• Kate

Poor Wendy is Confused

Often on my travels to disasters I have stories about the weird things that happen to me. I'm still at home, but since the entire world is a major disaster area at this time (COVID, global warming, etc.) I thought I'd share. If you follow my blogs at Mewsings on the Feline Paradigm, you'll appreciate this.

So Tuesday I had to go mail my ballot for the 2020 election. In Texas, where the Governor said, "You can't use fear of COVID as a reason to get an absentee ballot" and the Lt. Governor told Texas Seniors "There are more important things than living and that’s saving this country”, trying to vote is a major endeavor. Because I'm often traveling to disasters at election time, I always request an absentee ballot.

Texas voting rules state that if I request an absentee ballot it has to be mailed to an address in a county in which I do not reside, (convenient, right?) and mailed back from a county in which I do not reside. Because I never know if I'll be in the state or not, I have to have my ballot sent to someone else's house, someone who lives in a different county.

Long story long, I picked up my ballot from my friend Jerri's house Monday and filled it out. Bright and early Tuesday morning I packed up my car and drove to a distant county to mail it. The small post office was crowded, so I drove through the parking lot and dropped my ballot in the post box. Fortunately the Anti Postmaster had not yet removed it from the site.

Nowadays when I go out I always put on a mask. And gloves. And take Clorox wipes with me. Feeling the urge to have a juicy cheeseburger on the way home, I stopped at a deserted Wendy's. I was the ONLY customer. Pulling into the empty drive through I ordered a cheeseburger and a medium chocolate Frosty. It went like this:

Wendy: "Welcome to Wendy's. Can I take your order?"

Me: "Yes ma'am. I'd like a cheeseburger with only tomatoes, lettuce and ketchup."

Wendy: "So a double cheeseburger?"

Me: "No, a cheeseburger, single."

Wendy: "A single, okay."

Me: "With only tomatoes, lettuce and ketchup."

Wendy: "So do you want cheese on that?"

Me: -dramatic pause- "That would be a cheeseburger, right?"

Wendy: "Right. A single cheeseburger."

Me: "With only tomatoes, lettuce and ketchup. And cheese."

Wendy: "Right. Is there anything else?"

Me: "Yes, I'd like a medium chocolate Frosty."

Wendy: "Is that it?"

Me: "Yes, thank you."

Wendy: "Please drive to the second window"

I drove to the second window where she gave me the price. I paid, gloved hands gingerly touching the money I received as change. Then she handed me a covered cup and a bag with a burger in it. I asked for a straw. Wendy told me she'd given me a spoon. I thought it was obvious that a straw and a spoon were two different things, but I said again, I'd like a straw. Reluctantly, she gave it to me.

You'd be surprised how difficult it is, using a straw on a Frosty. You've got to have great facial musculature or be Louis Armstrong. But I like a challenge and besides, it's harder to drive balancing a drink and using a spoon.

Let me reiterate at this point that I was the ONLY CUSTOMER inside or outside this Wendy's. There was no one behind me in the drive up line. The store was bereft of customers. Zero. Empty.

Driving away, I pulled out my burger to take a bite. It was not pleasant. Pulling over, I pried up the bun and saw: Bun, cheese, pickles, lettuce, beef, cheese, bun. Ugh. How can anyone confuse pickles and ketchup? Pickles are green. Ketchup is red. Good lord.

Wanting to give lonely Wendy the benefit of the doubt, I concluded that she suffers from Deuteranopia, red-green color blindness. Then I thought, how can she even make a burger? If you can't see red, you can't see if the beef is cooked or not. If you can't see green, how can you tell if the lettuce is rusted? Indeed, how can you tell your condiments apart? It seemed like a very dangerous situation.

With a shrug I plucked the pickles from the burger and tossed them in the bag. Then I choked down the dry burger by it sucking on the Frosty straw until it melted enough to drink. All in all, a typical outing for me. When will I ever learn?


Words of wisdom. Somebody needs to cross stitch that on a pillow.

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